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Thursday, Feb. 24, 2005
Temptation and self-image
This entry is here for two reasons: 1) I was tempted by a very rich choc/caramel shortcake that was offered to me; and 2) I wanted to talk about my self-image. 1) I was tempted and didn't have it and despite walking past it a couple of times, I'm still a shortcake virgin. I just wanted to share this wonderful experience with you and celebrate. Yipee! 2) My self-image. I only remember one time in my whole life when I was happy with my body. That was in 1996, when I lost 10 kilos in about 4 months and I was down to my current target weight of 68 kilos. I was delirious. I remember walking to work one spring afternoon and feeling happy and attractive. It was an absolutely priceless feeling and I wanted to remind myself because I'd love to be able to have it again and that's really what I'm aiming at by trying to lose weight. From a very young age, I always though of myself as being fat, although up until the age of 15-16 I was skinny. My legs are fat though and that's what was doing it for me. Anyway, because I always thought I was fat, my mind never associated eating with fatness. As far as I was concerned, I was fat because I was born like that - oh, the stupidity! However, when I lost all this weight in 1996 I realised that the secret is food, so I learnt how to eat well and be good, and I kept myself at very respectable levels for 3-6 years. And then what with the stress associated with moving to London, what with having stressful jobs, I started having serious bingeing crises - PCOS and hypothyroidism didn't help either. I still remember what eating well means though, but up until now I was lacking the willpower to remind myself how fantastic being thinner feels. Now I remember. It's wonderful and I want to be able to experience it again. posted by fattomato at 17:06 GMT
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